Each day I wake, I face some fear or another. In checking in with others, I find that we all seem to carry a daily fear, some which subside with a pep talk and others which linger and simply become part of the background landscape as we learn to seamlessly dodge our vulnerabilities.
When my dad got sick last year, I remember feeling a dreadful sense of fear that he would not get well. This feeling has hung on me all year- and when he came to help the Cowboy and I stack 44 tons of hay two weeks ago and landed up having emergency kidney surgery instead– it rushed right up front, and I stared down this fear of losing him again.
Staying connected to our fear (while we are indeed courageous beings who take many leaps of faith and overcome countless limitations) helps us understand who we are as powerless beings. And I think a great many good things can come of that surrender.
One of them has to be finding our medicine while engaging our faith. Accepting that what is to be, will be. Another is the reminder that life is short, always, and that if there is something which you feel strongly called to do, take those steps to do it.
Here are a few things I’ve been wanting to do that I’m bringing back into focus:
Track wolves
(I got to track Mountain Lions many times last year, but you know how I feel about wolves. By the way, have you seen this breaking wolf news??)
Go to Hawaii with my children for two weeks
I am planning this for the Fall, if you know any great places and resources on Kauai! We intend to explore the islands landscape and magical medicine while on a mini-sabbatical.
Speak to large audiences about healing women’s relationships
If you don’t know about the BG Symposium, it will be a beautiful and healing event!
Participate in native plant restoration
Follow my blog to see what this process will look like, as I attempt to restore native species on this beautiful piece of Oregon ground.
What’s shakin’ on your bucket (I actually prefer baskets…) list?
Don’t be afraid to hold fear in one hand and faith in the other.
Image of SouLodge Fire Circle dancers by the illustrious Stacy de la Rosa
“Finding our medicine while engaging our faith.” Ooh, Pixie, that got me straight in my goosebumps. Yes!! My basket list? I’m living as much of it as I can right now – but more circling in person with women, and writing my stories is on there. But I need to think of new additions. Thank you for this! xo
ahhhh you always hit the nail on the head sister….
one of my almost daily “fears” is not doing enough. Ridiculous when I look at the through the eyes of my heart and higherself…but my fleshy self still gets snared by the old story of not being enough, needing to prove my worth, being allowed, not being wasted space….finding my worth in what I do. When I feel this fear and anxiety crosses over my chest…and I am not, by nature, an anxious bean…so indeed, you are so right, when that anxiety/fear shadows my light there is a message for me…that I need to shift focus and live the new story…the new story that says I am not only enough but MORE than enough, I am worthy because I am, I am allowed, and I most certainly am not wasted space, in fact I am wanted space and that my worth is place in who I am, not what I do…
One huge item in the basket of dreams is my entire family joining me in a pilgrimage to the community center in Colombia..we have yet to all go…that is a dream and prayer of mine for next spring
I want to do a personal vision quest…allowing space for that to take shape as it needs
just to name a couple things…
hears to fear in one hand and faith in the other
heres to feeling the fear and moving forward anyways
heres to fear…thank you for revealing to me what I need
love and light sister
Thank you Pixie- it’s hard to give voice to fear… Then I’m afraid of energizing it! Chasing my tail is more what it feels like. ❤️✨
do you know of United Plant Savers? (Just google them- been around for years) Great help with replanting endangered native medicine plants- they have great resources and books and contacts with growers for your replanting projects – years ago I lead a ginseng replanting project here in NY and the tiny rootless were given out in ceremony to each as they found their place of calling to plant them through each person – magical and gorgeous work and so a part of stewardship on the land. There are us local plant women who above been quietly replanting for years around Phoenicia and Woodstock area here in NY too so you can actually find these plants returning in great abundance… Thankfully- ❤️ Blessings -Jen